I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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