So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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