It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
