You're my little dorito
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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