scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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