I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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