Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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