i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
