two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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