I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
