"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
