I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
