Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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