I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
