i think my tv is drunk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
