I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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