is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
where am i from again
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
