If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
