I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
