What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
