Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why do cheetos always look like penises
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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