dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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