So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
