He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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