I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
