just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
