More tranny stories later!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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