If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
