Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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