So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
