Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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