I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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