Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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