i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize