I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize