people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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