Apparently you make a good broom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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