at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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