wrigley field is MILF paradise
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
