Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
