Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
