I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
