I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
