I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
