he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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