I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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