why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
