you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
