mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
