All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
