Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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