I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
