I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
