He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Randomize
