My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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