who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
