I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize