Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
