I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
