Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Even my vagina gasped.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
