I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
