If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
