I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
